Words I Couldn't Say
by sundayxmorningx
Summary: With some help, Eli confronts Clare about their break up. Based off and insprired by Degrassi's Week 2 Promos. One shot.


**A/N: I don't own Degrassi. If I did, there would be more happiness. Season 11 is great! Don't get me wrong. But I feel like so many of the characters are going downhill. I hope things get better.  
>Anyway, as for this one shot, I'm literally writing this as I go. It was an idea I had and I just need to go with it.<strong>

* * *

><p>Eli stood by his car, straightening his pants and shirt. His hands were slightly shaking but he continued to take deep breaths in hopes that it would calm him. It had been a month since Imogen started helping him. She said he was ready.<p>

_You can do this. Just tell her exactly what is on your mind. She needs to hear what you have to say._

Slowly, very slowly, Eli walked up to her door. After one more deep breath, he knocked and waited patiently. As the door opened, Clare's blue eyes were the first thing Eli saw.

"Eli," she gasped, "Hi."

"H-hey Clare," he said.

She opened the door wider, "Did you want to come inside?"

"No," he immediately answered, "I have some things – a lot of things to say."

Clare seemed scared but nodded, urging him to continue.

"I love you – I loved you," Eli stammered, "And you left me. You left me when I needed you. You said that you were going to stay by my side, you promised me."

Clare kept quiet because she knew he was just getting started.

"Those three months we were together meant more to me than you will ever know," he said, "Even after we had broken up, they still meant a lot to me. I never stopped loving you and I'm pretty sure I still do love you."

The last four words lingered in the air.

"But we were over. You ended it," he laughed, "God, I was so upset at myself – I let my demons take over and I lost you. Then I started going to therapy and it got better… I got better. I took anti-anxiety pills and I was finally becoming normal. But then Imogen came into my life and when she took my pills away from me –"

"She took your pills?" Clare interrupted, "Eli, that's not –"

"Let me finish," he put a hand up, "When Imogen took those pills from me, I realized that they weren't doing me any good. They were numbing the pain, burying them. But that wasn't right. I needed to confront the cause of my pain."

"Which is why you're here," she stated quietly.

Eli's jaw clenched, "I could not believe you left me! I was there for you when you needed me but you couldn't do the same! You blamed my behavior on Julia and that was a low blow. I'm not perfect! I know I have issues to deal with but you didn't have to leave me to figure it out on my own! I could have had you by my side! I needed you by my side!"

Tears were threatening to spill from Clare's eyes but she tried to hold them in.

"I hated you for what you did! I hated that you left me and went back to that stupid dance!" his voice slowly rose, "We never actually talked it over! You just left the moment you found a chance! And then you pull that stunt at Above The Dot? You brag about some guy to my face, hoping you would get a reaction out of me? You broke up with me and I just tried to move on."

Without any control, Clare's tears fell freely from her face. Eli took a few seconds to get his thoughts in order.

"What do you want from me, Clare?" Eli's voice was breaking, "I gave you your space and I started dealing with my problems the best way I could. I hated what you did but I still loved you. I don't know how that works but that's how I feel."

He stopped talking and let his breathing calm down. Clare's tears had subsided but her lips quivered.

"Sometimes," she started, "If you love someone, you let them go."

Eli just looked at her.

She sighed, "At the time, I thought what I was doing was the best decision. I thought… You had to deal with the issues alone without having to worry about me. I asked for a break, I still would have been there for you but not in a gi-girlfriend type of way. It was a lot for me to deal with, I acknowledge that, and I wish I had dealt with it differently."

It looked like Clare still had a lot more to say so he let her finish.

"I love you, Eli," she smiled sadly, "I never stopped loving you. I was just doing what I thought was best. I wish there was a way I could fix what happened between us but it's in the past now. All I can hope is for the future to get better. This is a start, right? At least we're finally talking. Better late than never."

Eli felt a small amount of guilt hit him as he watched his ex-girlfriend slowly unravel. Her eyes had started to water again.

She grabbed his arm and gave it a gentle squeeze, "Eli, all I want is the best for you. I'm so sorry I blew up at you at Above The Dot. I've apologized for that before and I'm apologizing again. I guess I finally realized what I was losing when I saw you that night."

"Thank you," Eli softly spoke, "I practically blew up at you a few minutes ago."

Clare let out a tiny laugh, "It's ok. I was kind of… expecting it."

Silence.

He asked, "So what do we do now?"

"What do you mean?" she responded.

"Well I doubt we will be able to avoid each other at Degrassi," he said, "I also doubt that we're really… friends… right now."

She nodded, "We might just have to see where this goes. We won't ignore each other in the hallways but we won't be sitting with each other at lunch, either."

Eli smirked.

"I'll continue to interview you for Daily Degrassi and await the arrival of your play, which I'm sure will be fantastic. The dialogue will be flawless, Fiona will have the costumes and the sets looking like it was done by professionals and Imogen…" Clare's voice cracked, "Imogen will play the lead role like a movie star."

Eli spoke, "Imogen and I – she's – we're –"

Clare interrupted, "I just want what is best for you and for you to be happy."

They both knew significant others were too sore of a topic to bring up.

_"Clare, honey, get ready to go out to dinner with Jake and Glen!" _Helen's voice boomed from inside.

She rolled her eyes and groaned.

"I think that's my cue to leave," Eli slowly started stepping back.

"I know there were a lot of words exchanged," Clare said, "But I'm serious when I say that I'm really happy we talked, Eli."

He let out a small smile, "Me too, Clare."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Oh. Well. I wasn't expecting that. I expected it to be more angry but I guess I couldn't get it to do that… It's still not the happiest of endings but it's still pretty decent I think. Please review? =)**


End file.
